********[PLAY SONG “DEATH BY NUMBERS” AT THIS POINT]********
(Let the song play for this entire page. When it is done, go to the next page.)
*****[PLAY SONG “FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR” AT THIS POINT]*****
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
The Boy wakes up. He’s in a gown. His eyes feel heavy. The TV is on in his room. “Golden Girls” to be specific. One of the ladies just said funny cause there’s a lot of laughter.
Sitcom laughs always freaked him out. Because most of those people are dead. Those are ghost laughs. Laughs that are supposed to be gone forever linger on earth after every mid 90s joke about teenage sex or someone saying “don’t go there”. Looking for their mouths, never finding them because they’re gone. The laughs don’t feel good because they’re dead laughs. Those laughs aren’t what they stood for anymore. They’ve been reappropriated. Now they’re just sounds monkey descendants make when amused to cue other monkey descendants when to make the sounds at home.
…my eyes feel heavy.
A nurse comes in.
WHITE GUY NURSE
Hello Mr.[EDIT]. How are you feeling?
THE BOY
Like I’m about to get talked to by someone about-
(gestures) All this.
Nurse gives a “yep” look.
WHITE GUY NURSE
You’re friends brought you in-
THE BOY
They’re not my friends.
WHITE GUY NURSE
I don’t think they’d like you saying that.
THE BOY
Doesn’t matter. It’s the truth. But also, they know. We’re not friends.
(MORE)
THE BOY (CONT’D)
There’s a mutual benefit to our relationship, but I can’t trust them for shit.
WHITE GUY NURSE
Then why save you?
THE BOY
Cause their lives are far easier with me around. It’s survival.
WHITE GUY NURSE
I think you should talk to someone.
THE BOY
We’re talking.
WHITE GUY NURSE
A professional.
THE BOY
Why? You don’t care. You’re not gonna make sure I do.
(then)
Our lives aren’t precious, man.
Silence. The Nurse begins to clean up.
WHITE GUY NURSE
You done?
THE BOY
I was trying to be.
WHITE GUY NURSE
No you weren’t. Cause, guess what? It’s not hard to do.
Nurse leaves.
INT. WAITING ROOM – LATER THAT DAY
The Boy walks out of the double doors. Steve, Swank, and Fam are sitting there. They look up wearily.
THE BOY
I don’t wanna talk. Let’s just go be awkward and quiet together at Chipotle. Alright?
They all just stare. Swank gets up slowly and walks over.
SWANK
Man…we didn’t know if we should wait or tell you later, man. The Boy makes a [”WHAT?” EMOJI] face.
SWANK (CONT’D)
Man…your pops died, man. Got the call.
Silence.
THE BOY
Okay.
(hum of a jet engine…)
CUT TO:
******[PLAY SONG “ZEALOTS OF STOCKHOLM” AT THIS POINT]*****
INT. JET PLANE – EVENING
The Boy lies his head against the plane window, the oil from his hair leaving grease smudges all over the window.
His father died in Stockholm. A family member was needed. Didn’t realize that they were each other’s only family till this very moment. When you lose that, you basically lose most of your memories, at least the accuracy of your own memories.
He wanted to be cremated.
The Boy didn’t really know anyone in Stockholm, but he also didn’t want to be in his hotel room with his father for a day. Even if he was just ashes. So he decided to search through his followers for someone from Sweden.
Some girl named “@Hello_Pity_” Dm’d him back and they were supposed to meet up after all the whatever he had to do. She looked pretty in her avi: an inverted Hello Kitty. But that really doesn’t mean anything at all, especially since her instagram was blocked, which is something he’s learned not to trust at all.
So he looked through her tweets, figured out a night she went to a club, used one of his dummy profiles and pretended that they’d met at the club that night. She had trouble remembering because, according to her feed, she was “fuckin turnt, [CRAZY TONGUE OUT EMOJI] lol”. She added this made up dude as a friend on facebook. Now The Boy could see her pictures.
The rest of her pictures confirmed she was indeed pretty.
This girl loves Justin Bieber though. New Justin Bieber. The “fuck you” Bieber. She loves Justin Bieber in the way you love that girl on Maury who’s like “my favorite flavor popsicle is DICK!”, which is close to sincere love, but nowhere near it at the same time.
INT. STRANGE OFFICE – NIGHT
The Boy is sitting across at a desk, across from a solemn man. An urn sits on the left side of the desk.
The man slides it over to The Boy.
SOLEMN MAN
I’m sorry for your loss.
Silence. Don’t you have to ask someone before you cremate their father? I don’t know how these things work.
SOLEMN MAN (CONT’D)
These were found with him.
He gives The Boy a large brown paper bag.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
The Boy vapes on the foot of his bed. He’s DMing back and forth with “@Hello_Pity_” who’s real name is Alyssa.
@thegoldmolar: where u at
@Hello_Pity_: bar called box. meet u here?
@thegoldmolar: yeah.
@Hello_Pity_: u should meet my boyfriend. he loves you.
Weird.
@thegoldmolar: sure.
because the internet.fdx
@Hello_Pity_: [CRYING LAUGH EMOJI] LOL. Don’t worry. It’s not like that.
@thegoldmolar: wdym
@Hello_Pity_: [CRAZY TONGUE OUT EMOJI] see u soon
He puts his phone down.
EXT. STOCKHOLM STREETS – NIGHT
There’s a buzz going on. Very pretty people walk hand in hand on the street. There are people saying things, giving opinions, feeling interesting. Everyone has a purpose tonight. It’s a great time.
A couple walk by:
SUPER HANDSOME GUY
Swedish blah blah blah roscoe’s wetsuit hahahaha!
SUPER PRETTY GIRL
blah blah, swedish blah blah roscoe’s wetsuit!
The Boy walks up to a pink, glowing, but very discreet sign that says “box”. There’s a big bald guy standing outside with no hat. There’s steam coming off his head.
A girl is standing outside smoking, at least trying to. She can’t seem to get the cigarette lit. It’s Alyssa.
THE BOY
Hey.
ALYSSA
Ah! It’s you.
She gives him a kiss on both cheeks.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
Fancy meeting you like this, huh?
THE BOY
I don’t know what you mean.
She puts out her cigarette. After two big puffs.
ALYSSA
Let’s go.
THE BOY
Didn’t you want me to meet your boyfriend?
ALYSSA
Who? That guy?
She points to a corner of the building, a few steps from the front. A guy with long blonde hair (her boyfriend?)is making out with a girl in the cold.
THE BOY
What am I getting into?
ALYSSA
Nothing. You’re getting into nothing.
CUT TO:
EXT. STOCKHOLM STREETS – CONTINUOUS
The Boy and Alyssa walk slowly through the streets. It’s very cold, so they’re the only ones doing that.
ALYSSA
What made you DM me?
THE BOY
I don’t know anyone here.
ALYSSA
Then why are you here?
THE BOY
My dad died. I have to pick him up.
ALYSSA
ROUGH. How?
THE BOY
Doesn’t matter at this point.
ALYSSA
I know right? It’s always “how’d he die?” Like if you know all the ways, you’ll avoid it. Silly.
She shivers.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
I don’t believe in small talk. What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
THE BOY
Five years.
ALYSSA
Wow. What happened?
THE BOY
I’m still in it.
ALYSSA
Oh?
THE BOY
She does private web shows. We’re not together. But it’s a relationship, for sure.
ALYSSA
I don’t get it.
THE BOY
I used to watch her online a whiles back. Then she quit and astarted doing private shows. Then it just started turning into talking. Mostly.
ALYSSA
Wooooaah.
THE BOY
Wha?
ALYSSA
You’re paying her to be your girlfriend or friend or whatever.
THE BOY
Yes. But most people are paying for friends one way or another.
ALYSSA
No.
THE BOY
Your boyfriend is making out with another girl right now. You don’t really have room to judge.
ALYSSA
I trust that I can never trust him. We’re clear on that.
THE BOY
Then why have him at all?
ALYSSA
Because he’s honest. And I like that. He doesn’t lie to either of us. That’s special to me.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
The two are sitting on the bed staring at the urn on the table.
ALYSSA
So that’s your dad.
THE BOY
That’s my dad. That’s what’s left of him.
ALYSSA
You guys close?
THE BOY
No.
ALYSSA
You wanna talk about it?
THE BOY
No.
Silence.
THE BOY (CONT’D)
I’m going to make a drink.
ALYSSA
Alright.
The Boy gets up and goes into the living room. While he’s in there, Alyssa gets up, takes the urn, and walks out of the room. The Boy hears the door slam.
THE BOY
Alyssa?
CUT TO:
*************[PLAY SONG “URN” AT THIS POINT]**************
EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT
The Boy runs out of the front doors. His breath, clouding in the night. He looks both ways and catches Alyssa turning a corner. He runs to the corner and meets her on the other side.
THE BOY
What’s going on.
ALYSSA
Lets get rid of it. It’s just bad for you.
THE BOY
You have a TON of nerve judging me and my father’s relationship, so much so, you just walk out with his ashes? I feel like what you’re doing is against the law, but much like the fact he was cremated before I arrived, I don’t know if it’s illegal. I’m still pissed though.
ALYSSA
We’re gonna do this together.
The Boy is pissed. He’s trying not to blow up.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
I had a sister. I did this when she died.
THE BOY
Yes. That gives you the right.
Alyssa digs in her pocket and pulls out her phone. She turns it on and the background is Alyssa and a girl that looks exactly like her. The Boy takes the phone.
THE BOY (CONT’D)
Twins.
ALYSSA
Yes
THE BOY
I know we agreed that it’s dumb to ask since we’re all headed that way anyway, but-
ALYSSA
Brain cancer. It was bad
Silence.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
So crazy
She LOLs. They’re still walking this entire time. They stop at the water. They stand there making small clouds for a moment
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
You want to say something?
The Boy shrugs
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
Alright-
THE BOY
Wait
The urn almost tips over the edge. She waits for him. He walks over and takes the urn and just holds it for a moment. Then he kinda hugs it. Laying his head on it, but turning his head so she can’t see what he says:
THE BOY (CONT’D, whisper)
I’m sorry we’re alone
He pours out the ashes. He’s gone.
ALYSSA
How do you feel? Better?
THE BOY
I feel…the same.
VOICE
HEY!
Alyssa and The Boy turn around. It’s Alyssa’s boyfriend.
BOYFRIEND
What the fuck, bro?
ALYSSA
Oh, so you now you give a fuck.
She pushes him back as he takes swipes at The Boy. The Boy is mildly annoyed. They’re all yelling at each other.
BOYFRIEND/THE BOY/ALYSSA
You’re dead ass-hole!/ Relax, nothing happened/ Would you stop!
The boyfriend breaks free from her.
BOYFRIEND
Do you know who the fuck I am?
ALYSSA
Please don’t. Please don’t do this.
THE BOY
Nah, man. I don’t know who you are.
BOYFRIEND (CONT’D) (scream)
WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY! (silence)
I. Wrote. That. That’s my shit. I’m the nigga dressed like a fox. That’s all me.
THE BOY
What?
The boyfriend starts making the noises a fox makes in the song.
BOYFRIEND
That!
ALYSSA (resigned, to The Boy)
Like the song and video.
THE BOY
I’ve never heard of it.
ALYSSA AND BOYFIREND
What/wha?
ALYSSA
I thought you “were the internet”?
THE BOY
That’s a tagline. No one is the actual internet. I just must’ve missed it when it was popular.
BOYFRIEND
Uh, by “when it was popular” do you mean, uhhh, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?!
THE BOY
Relax.
Silence.
BOYFRIEND
Two hundred and twenty million views on Youtube. Two hundred and twenty million. That’s most of the earth.
THE BOY
Not true.
BOYFRIEND
An African village wrote to me-
THE BOY
The whole village did?
BOYFRIEND
-and told me that my song taught them about foxes. They don’t have foxes there. I introduced the idea of a fox to an entire continent…
(then)
And you wanna fuck my girl?
THE BOY
I do not wanna fuck your girl. I don’t not want to be here. I am going home now.
The Boy walks away. Alyssa and her boyfriend start a boring argument in the cold as he disappears.
CUT TO:
INT. LA VEGAN RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Fam, another girl, and The Boy sit in a booth at the restaurant. Fam and the girl are talking. The Boy is silent. Don’t know if he’s just bored or jet lagged from Sweden. Either way he’s bumming everyone out.
ANOTHER GIRL
My friend should be here soon.
The Boy doesn’t say anything. Fam and the girl look on.
A girl walks up to the table. The Boy looks up. It’s the girl from the party.
NAOMI
Hi.
The Boy doesn’t say anything.
ANOTHER GIRL
This is Naomi.
(then) Hello?
FAM
He’s dumb. You should just sit and ignore him.
She sits down.
NAOMI
You’re the guy that almost hit my arm.
THE BOY
Yes.
NAOMI
You guys order?
THE BOY
No. I hate vegan. I think she’s making us eat here.
NAOMI
I’m the vegan. I asked to eat here.
Silence.
THE BOY
I hate vegan.
NAOMI (saying it dumb)
Duhh, “I hate vegan”.
In his head, he was lol-ing. In real life, he just kinda looked down.
NAOMI (CONT’D)
What’s the deal. Why you always act like your parents died.
The Boy smirks.
THE BOY
They did.
Awkward. Silence.
ANOTHER GIRL
I’m so sorry.
Fam and The Boy stare at each other for a moment. Then laugh. Another Girl and Naomi do not.
FAM (to The Boy)
Your parents are dead, man.
THE BOY
My parents are dead yo.
They slowly stop laughing. Naomi thinks The Boy is weird. But she doesn’t run.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Fam and Another Girl are sitting on the swings smoking and talking about something they will never remember and don’t really care about.
Naomi and The Boy sit in the living room.
NAOMI
What did he do?
THE BOY
I don’t know.
NAOMI
How’d he afford all this?
THE BOY
I don’t know.
NAOMI
Then how can you afford all this? He leave you a lot?
THE BOY
Creditors were after him. I don’t know if he had anything left. I’m not concerned.
(serious)
I’m gonna sell drugs.
Naomi LMAOs.
NAOMI
Whaaaaaat.
THE BOY
Fam can hook me up. I’ve been watching him for a minute. He runs out of here already.
NAOMI
I don’t think you need me to tell you you’re an awful dealer.
THE BOY
How would you even know?
NAOMI
You make everything feel awkward. You can’t connect with anyone. How is anyone supposed to feel like they can trust you?
THE BOY
Yeah, that’s what drug dealers are known for. Their comfort.
NAOMI
They are, dumb-ass. You gotta know how people work. You’re only good with people online.
He slowly turns to her. “how does she know that?”
NAOMI (CONT’D)
I looked you up.
THE BOY
After the party or just now.
NAOMI
Just now. I’m a writer too.
THE BOY
Oh really.
NAOMI
Yup. And I know I’m good cause people keep stealing my shit.
She hits the vape.
NAOMI (CONT’D)
I tweeted this.
(holds up her phone)
Is that not my poem verbatim? I posted them together. This nigga just rapped this like it was his.
THE BOY (looking at her phone)
Your first mistake is being a poet past the year 1974, by the way.
NAOMI
That’s how good my shit is. I’m bringing the whole form back.
THE BOY
You’re cocky when you’re high.
NAOMI
No. I’m talkative when I’m high. I’m cocky all the time, but I’m silent for most of it…like you.
He looks up. She lifts an eyebrow. He doesn’t smile. She goes cross-eyed. No response. She stops, then sighs.
NAOMI (CONT’D)
You ever think we’re in hell? This is all hell. Living on earth and being the only one’s aware that it’s all ending slowly.
Silence.
THE BOY
No.
NAOMI
I read something that said more than likely we all just do this all again. It’s all a cycle.
THE BOY
I like that theory.
NAOMI
Yeah.
(then)
See? You’re not such a lonely boy.
She LOLs and mushes his face with her hand. The Boy smh, but smiles.